Insert your own punchline here. We have a thing about beating a dead horse. Especially when it's really, really, really dead.
Three months of Costner bashing culminated Sunday with a round razzing for the former Oscar winner by the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation. His film, and/or sin, The Postman, went five-for-five in the group's 18th annual worst-of-film competition.
The critically panned, publicly ignored post-apocalyptic bomb about the Postal Worker with No Name won the 43-year-old movie star three Razzies--for Worst Actor, Worst Director and Worst Picture.
His would-be epic was also dinged for Worst Screenplay (with writers Eric Roth and Brian Helgeland receiving the dis-credit) and Worst Song (actually, the movie's entire score--a Razzie first).
(Alanis Morissette irony watch: Helgeland is not only a Razzie winner, he's also an Oscar nominee. His script for L.A. Confidential, cowritten with director Curtis Hanson, is a favorite tonight for Best Adapted Screenplay.)
Costner and company were not present at Hollywood's Roosevelt Hotel to receive their awards--each, a spray-painted, golf-ball-sized raspberry atop a reel of Super-8 film (street value $2.29). Razzie winners rarely are.
That select group this year included Chicago Bulls rebounder Dennis Rodman. He of the spray-painted, golf-ball-shaped head tied Costner with a field-best (or worst) three Razzies for his thespian debut in the fizzled action flick, Double Team. Rodman was named Worst Supporting Actor, Worst Screen Couple (shared with costar Jean-Claude Van Damme) and Worst New Star.
So dominant were The Postman and Double Team in their ineptitude that they became the first films ever to win Razzies in every category in which they were nominated. (They were the day's only multiple winners, too.)
Also making demi-history Sunday: Demi Moore. Her turn in G.I. Jane, once touted as Oscar caliber, earned her a Worst Actress Razzie. Moore, who took the same rap last year for Striptease, is the first actress in a decade to score repeat wins.
Other easy-target Razzie winners were:
Worst Supporting Actress: Alicia Silverstone, Batman & Robin Worst Reckless Disregard for Human Life and Public Property: Con Air Worst Re-Make or Sequel: Speed 2: Cruise Control. This year's Razzies were voted on by nearly 500 film professionals, journalists and movie fans.